Naming your indie band

Dan Faughnder / 209VibePosted April 7 at 06:08 AM

I just saw the line-up for Lollapalooza and I’ve never been angrier to not be in Chicago. The show will be an indie kid’s dream. Rage Against the Machine, Kanye West, Grizzly Bear, The Black Kids, Grizzly Bear, and Girl Talk are all playing this year, just to name a few.

For the first time in awhile, Coachella will have to give up its “Coolest Kids In The American Festival Scene” crown to Lollapalooza. It’s hard to imagine how perfectly incredible it will be to see Flogging Molly, Gogol Bordello, and Radiohead all in one festival.

(But what is Dierks Bientley doing on the lineup? Seriously… Dierks Bientley?)

Still, there's more to the lineup than kick-ass bands. The bill shows that while indie rockers can be creative musicians, they tend to follow the same formulas when it comes to creating a name for their bands:

Formula A: Proper name followed by "the" and noun, preferably plural. This is a tried-and-true method of coming up with an indie band name. For extra indie cred you can use a made-up name and a nearly nonsensical plural noun. Examples of this include: Margot & the Nuclear So and So's, Eli "Paperboy" Reed & the True Loves, and Stockton’s very own Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks.

Formula B: A poorly written sentence. (Bonus points for using unnecessary punctuation!!!) This formula is so popular it's even been picked up – and then altered - by mainstream bands like Panic! at the Disco, now known as Panic at the Disco. The real secret to this method is the unnecessary punctuation. For example, I Like Your Butter is a fine indie band name. But it's even better when spiced up with some punctuation, say I Like! Your… “Butter.” Bands that have used this formula include The Go! Team and Does It Offend You, Yeah?

Formula C: A movie quote from a sort-of-but-not-really-popular movie. This one’s always good because you make instant fans without even having to play them music. Let’s say a person loves Dirty Dancing (not Havana Nights), so you name your band Baby In A Corner. You'll find your shows mobbed with Patrick Swayze fans, and you'll be an instant success. Now if you really want to go crazy, incorporate the previous ideas into your name. ex. Baby. Corner. Swayze! Sweet, now you just gained hipster points. Real-world examples of Formula C include We Go To 11 and !!!

Formula D: An acronym that is understood by a maximum of 14 people. This the easiest way to name your band, because you don’t even have to know what it means. It could just be an assortment of letters that look cool. Examples include MMGMT, K'NAAN and CSS.

Formula E: A combination of two completely unrelated words. Preferably, use a noun and an adjective but you can also go with two nouns, or two adjectives, or two pronouns. They don’t have to even make sense together. If you need help, search through your local bookstore and choose the third word in two book titles. With this method you can devise with super indie band names like Duck Soul, Beautiful Stori, and Compulsion Crows. Bands that have used this formula include Black Lips, Cadence Weapon and Cat Power.

Formula F, the last-ditch option: Use your name. This is quite possibly the least indie thing you could ever do. Even if you’re a solo artist, you should come up with something weird and obscure to call yourself (say, Bright Eyes or Mountain Goats). If you must use your name, use one of the other rules to make yourself more hip. For instance, Eli "Paperboy" Reed & the True Loves, Nicole Atkins & the Sea both applied Formula A to their names and increased their credibility. Artists who have used Formula F include Elton John, Kanye West and Dierks Bientley (honestly, why is he on the bill?)

A final warning: When naming your super indie alt-freak-folk band, never, ever combine all of the formulas into one. This will make SubPop records explode.